Jolee-Ann

Couldn’t even begin to describe yesterday. I woke up to Dean kissing me on the cheek and wrapping his arms around me. We went outside had a cup of coffee and smoked a cigarette with my room mate Sam. Then we got ready and made our long trip to Britt and Andrews. We stopped at the milk room to meet up with Ryan so he could follow us, ran into Stephanie and so Ryan followed us and Steph followed him. We all pulled into the driveway and smoked and shared good times while waiting for britt and Andrew to get home. Shortly after Courtney and Jeremy arrived and we all chatted and laughed together before our ‘family cookout’ haha. After the girls cleaned while the boys played, typical hah. Ryan came to me and said he had to leave and dean and I walked him to his car. I gave Ryan a huge hug and said bye and he shut his door. I turned around and Dean pulled me in and kissed me then looks at me and asks ‘Jolee will you be my girlfriend?’ I immediately without hesitation said ‘yes!’ and kissed him. We walked back to the house holding hands and I pulled the girls aside to inform them. ‘Awh I saw you guys walking back holding hands and I was like ‘Awh they’re so cute!” I smiled so much and giggled and embraced in a group hug haha. Then we sat around the fire roasting marshmallows drinking beer sharing stories. Britt and Andrew let us crash there and we watched part of little Nicky and parted ways. Dean and I laid down and I fell asleep in his arms and woke up that way this morning. I’ve never felt this happy, not once. It was the perfect day. I’m falling so hard.

Ha! Of course I mean it! I’m really excited for you guys and wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m sorry for all the things I said and I would like to be friends. Me and this boy, yeah we’re working out pretty damn well. :) I appreciate the kind words and I really wouldn’t mind just chitchatting some night. :)

‘I wish things were different. I wish I wasn’t such an asshole and I listened to you that night. I shouldn’t have assumed. I’m really sorry Jolee I know I can’t change your mind but I still like you a lot. I care about you and I don’t get how you can just move on. I wish things were different and my skull wasn’t so fucking thick. How can you not be ready but be willing to give him a chance? No matter what you say I’ll always look at it as you choosing him over me, anyone you date I’ll always see it that way. I wish things were different’

An hour and a half last night I listened as you pleaded your case and apologized. I waited patiently as you repeated yourself over and over. When i could finaly get a word in I told you exactly why youre not worth another chance. You treated me like shit and now that I’m moving on you want me back.

“In a way I am only telling you this because now you’re unattainable but this is how I felt for a while and you begged me to be honest with you. I probably would have never told you but don’t think this is only because you’re seeing him. It’s not, I’ve never lied to you and I never will. I can promise you that.”

Well I can promise you that I won’t feed into this, like I told you last night. The girls are furious I’m even giving you the time of day.

You’re fucking with my head please, please stop.

I wish people would just stop and leave me alone. If I’m doing something that makes me happy I don’t see how it should affect anyone else but me and said person. I’m at the end of my ropes with a lot of people right now, including Janessa. I’m only 19 so who gives a fuck. ‘YOLO’ I hate that term but it’s been applied quite frequently to this situation because it’s true. I don’t care if this may be a ‘mistake’, as some people have been warning me about, this is my mistake to make. I’ve met someone who shares almost every interest of mine and I can actually connect to on a level where it’s not just surface conversation. I’ve tried too hard to find more people like this and I finally have completely surrounded myself with them. If you’ve been cut out recently, well now you know why. Judgement and assumption isn’t something I need and/or want to deal with, if that’s all you do you’ve been removed. With that simply said fuck off.

As far as you go, promise me I won’t regret this, promise me I won’t regret you. 

Here I go falling for you. Why why why.

That makes me so happy I can’t even explain it to you. I hope we can bury this hatchet and move on entirely and for good this time. You were fun to hangout with when we didn’t want to kill each other. I just gah, I am so happy for you two. You have no idea! :)

You of all people should know exactly why I can’t be the rock that you need. You chose me for all the wrong reasons. Get yourself out of this mess I refuse to help.

I can’t even begin to explain how fucking happy I am for you two. I knew this would happen and all I can say is you’re welcome. Whether you meant it that way or not, I truly am happy for you. Too fucking surreal.